I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
