Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
