did you get engaged???
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
