im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
