Whod you bang
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
