I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
