i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
