my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
