I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
