There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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