I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
