you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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