I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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