Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
