I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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