Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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