she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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