I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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