I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
