I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
