The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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