Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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