I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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