The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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