i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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