A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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