The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
