oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
