If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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