I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
