Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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