just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Will exercising make me less horny?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
