I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
