someone owes me an orgasm
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
