Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
