ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
