turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
