We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
