1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
