Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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