i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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