What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
should my penis look like a turkey
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
