So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
