toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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