I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
