thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
