Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
