I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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