you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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