so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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