All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
