On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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