She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
