it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
