My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
