Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
