dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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