The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
