True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
