I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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