Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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