I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
