So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish you could order shots online.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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