it was like eating out sand paper
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
