Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
