Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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