he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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