Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
