She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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