he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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