try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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