I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
