When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
