i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
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