Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Why is your signature on my underwear?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
