when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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