why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
